Sunday, May 23, 2010
Inquiry = Freedom & Happiness
Six years of my life have been devoted to meditation and Buddhist studies. The Buddha taught, "question everything, even what I say," and I've always loved that directive (even thought I cannot actually know he said such a thing).
After a long history of totalitarian style religion that went like this: "do as I command or burn in hell," Buddhist teachings were a welcome reprieve. But, having been raised with such structure, I also found it was really hard to question everything. I'd get to the point where I'd question enough to have strong emotional reactions and then start acting on those thoughts/feelings. Does that make sense?
An example: A friend says something that hurts my feelings and it might go like this, "Jennifer, you are so uptight." I think to myself, "she is not my friend at all, if she would say such a thing." And then, from my hurt (which I wouldn't talk to her about but would journal about for a few days), I would build a case against my friend. I'd go back to all the times she had been hurtful in the past, putting two and two together. I'd read her astrology and prove that in fact, yes, we are not a good match. I'd test her, perhaps, to see if she would be hurting me in the future or make note of all the mean, bossy things she said to others and boom--next time she said anything, I'd take retreat from her or just blow in a fit of anger (motivated by my own pain).
Old world religion would say, "forgive trespasses," and I might try to forgive my friend but those words, her words, would be eating away at me.
Questioning everything is a great teaching but now I see something was missing. I didn't know how to question everything. I only questioned to the point of personal pain and buried unconscious beliefs.
Now I have bumped into the teachings of Byron Katie, who does something called The Work, which I heard about her via my exploration of Eckhart Tolle, who mentioned her during a lecture.
A few years ago, when I was first into Buddhist teaching. I had been told about Byron Katie by a young, very excitable and passionate yoga instructor. I was told, "there is this amazing woman who is impervious to judgments. It's what she teaches. She wants people to try to judge her and prove that she has no fear of criticism." When I heard this about Byron Katie, in this way, there seemed to be something "off" about that kind of teaching. I wasn't interested in anything that had a hit of that kind of "tough love, go ahead and blast each other wide open with insults". No thanks. After having spent a lifetime living with families who blasted me wide open with insults, I was looking for a more loving approach. 
Now I am here again and my interpretation of Byron Katie is quite different than my young friends. Byron Katie is, to put it frankly, brilliant. She has devised a system of inquiry, self questioning, that is blowing my mind. I have been down in my meditation space using her worksheets, asking questions internally and realizing that almost all my thoughts have been illusions--lies--wrong! I have been wrong. No wonder I was so damn jumpy, I have been living lies and since the heart knows when truth isn't in the room, the result is an itchy discomfort.
"Judge your neighbor (or yourself), write it down, ask four questions, turn it around." That's the slogan. And yes, it seems pretty simplistic but what she is doing with her process called The Work is exactly what the Buddha taught. Question everything and the result feels like light and liberation to me. I am happier than I have been in a long time, I am writing letters to people from my past, asking them to forgive me for times I've acted without really questioning my thoughts (acting in ways that really hurt other people) and a calm has fallen over my life that is nothing short of heaven.
My great appreciation to Byron Katie and her wonderful work. She is a great teacher.
3 Comments:
Thanks, Jennifer, for your heartfelt post. I read about Byron Katie in a recent Oprah and was moved to tears by the way B freed a cancer patient from fears about her two young sons possibly growing up without their mother. I feel motivated to learn more, based on your post.
Hey Lynne: thank you and I'm going to check out your site. Nice to see you here!
It is amazing to me how man has interpreted God. I see Him as the perfect father. Someone who will always love me even if I don't listen. And then when I finally do listen He never says "I told you so" We just move on to the next stage. This life is a great laboratory...what will it turn us into?
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