Friday, June 11, 2010
The End?
Spencer asked me, "Mom, why does everyone tell me that the world is coming to an end in 2012?"
We were together, in the hot tub, which is the one place where he can't bring music or a computer. Sensory immersion of another kind. The chicken coop is across the way and our birds cluck and carry on.
In response to this question, I talked about the Mayan calendar and how we near the final rotation of the calendar, which lasts 250+ days and is said to mark a significant time of evolution in consciousness. I said I agreed. I pointed out that we are--at this point--using less than 4% of our brains even though the brain has the same number of neurons as there are stars in the solar system.
"I think the end of the world is coming but it's not like this fire and hell and brimstone thing. I think it's the end, or the potential for the end, of thought based perceiving which, at this time in human evolution, is largely limited to finite views centered around survival and protection of the ego."
You might think he was about to say, "huh??" But he didn't. Spencer talked then about time travel and the ideas posed by Einstein.
Later, that night, he drempt about traveling through time warps with a device that destroyed buildings but that cannot harm people.
~
During my quiet, non-cooking, cleaning, kid moments, I spend a good deal of my time considering thought in general and my own thoughts in specific. I am in the point in the process where I question every thought-especially ones that make me react with some form of upset.
I have come to a few questions. What if feelings, especially negative feelings, are actually an indicator that there is something untrue in my perception? What if, rather than reacting and attacking in an outward way, I look within to discover the source of negativity and then go deeper still to see that my own thoughts, through conditioning, are misdirecting.
This seems to be very true. If I am the creator of my universe via my own thoughts, or lack thereof, isn't what I'm upset about actually coming from within myself? An example would be this. My son says, "I would like to drop out of school." I become tense and even angry. I am consumed with fear about the future--will my kid be one of those drop out video-aholics? I say there is no way he's dropping out of school, he's only thirteen years old for heaven's sake, rant, rage, blather etc.
But hold on.
Why am I upset?
What has happened?
Where did I go?
Isn't he simply making a statement of what might be true for him, at that moment? What does his statement have to do with me? What business do I have telling him what he should or shouldn't do? Am I reacting like this out of fear that he'll be a loser or a failure of that I'll be a failure if he dropped out of school? Aren't my thoughts far away from him then? Am I with him, in the statement he's made or am I in my own thinking based on fear and fear that comes from thinking about the future?
~
Yesterday, my son did want to drop out of school for the last few days of the term. He said he was tired of getting bullied. Kids were bugging him and he wanted a jump on summer break.
Yesterday, I did go ballistic. He had told me this half an hour before school was to begin and I said half an hour is not enough time to let me really think in a deep way. My brain needs more time to shift from reaction and negativity to insight than the average bear.
He went to school.
As I drove him across town, I apologized for reacting so strongly. I told him I would sit, think about this more fully and find my fear, anger etc. I told him he was fine. It was all fine. I suggested we both take a day to see what would happen. "If this day is as bad as yesterday, let's revisit this conversation."
He agreed.
The day was awesome. A new drama teacher was there and he had an incredible experience.
~
And then, someone died. An aunt of my former husband. He called to say he wanted to travel to Spokane for the funeral. He wanted to take Spencer along. This meant Spencer would miss the last two days of school of the term.
~
We only use 4% of our brain. This is science.
There is 96% of something else happening. Space and pure intelligence and what else??
When Spencer said, "I want to drop out of school," was he saying something about the future? About time travel? Had he traveled forward in time to know that he was not going to finish the term and just blurted out--from discomfort about the previous day--that he didn't want to finish?
~
I go back to his question about the end of the world. Yes, people are talking about this. Yes, there are predictions of doom. But this planet has been spinning-impossibly-for 4.6 billion years. Our cells contain the atoms that exist in space. Life forms have evolved from single to multiple cells, from having gills to lungs, from walking on all fours to standing erect. Do I really believe the whole thing is going up in smoke due to a thought based construct like "time"? No. I don't believe time exists, except within my own mind as a structure for which to fit the details of my so called life.
I think it's fear. The talk about the end is uninvestigated fear. There are better questions to ask.
1 Comments:
Fascinating stuff. I agree. I think the 2012 is less about the end of a time, but more the end of an era and the beginning of a new cycle in the world. Perhaps a cycle where mankind finally awakens?
I do believe our thoughts can change reality. (Gregg Braden has written some interesting books on this subject...) My favorite quote I think of all time is: "Dost thou reckon thyself a puny form, when within thee the universe is folded?" We have so much power and potential. It's a shame we only use 4%!!!
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