Wednesday, March 30, 2011
On The Road: Day 30 & My Addiction to Eagle Cam
Eagle Cam and I became acquainted a week ago, at 4:30 a.m. PST, as I was on hold and prepping for full morning of interviews in cities and towns around the U.S. It's called a Radio Satellite Tour and mine have been going on for several days. A couple of those days meant a 4:30 wake up call for Drive Time shows on the East Coast. One of those show was in--yes, you've guessed it-- Norfolk, Virginia, home to Eagle Cam. As I was gathering up data about the various cities I would be speaking in, I stopped at Eagle Cam and cannot stop watching. The eaglets, three of them, are just a few days old and growing with the help of a very attentive mother and father.
In between my early interviews, where I recount, again and again, my at-birth abandonment by my first mother and my orphaned state by age seven, I take in the lessons of the eagles which goes like this: Feed chicks. Clean up nest. Sit on chicks to get them to sleep. Take breaks. Additionally, Mom leaves the nest for a bit of hunting and "personal time" and Dad takes over. Dad leaves the nest for a bit of fishing and "personal time" and then Mom takes over. Mom takes the night shift. Dad perches nearby for night watch. The happy couples also take time to “cuddle” in a nearby tree during a few stolen moments, while the eaglets nap.
What's wrong with that life? It's nice. It's simple. It's elegant.
I like it.
Now forgive me, as I have had a glass of wine prior to writing this and thus my “politically correct” button has been pressed down, but I’d say these birds are better parents than most people. Or perhaps what I am saying is that our parenting methods are for the birds. We are either all "all over" our kids or we ignore them. Worst-case scenario, we fail to recognize their basic human needs and turn them into objects of our lives verses subjects of their own lives. Even more dreadful, some of us have it in our minds that it is okay to abandon our children and call said abandonment "adoption." I don't want to get strong on this issue of adoption but I cannot hold back. What the heck is wrong with us? Where, as women, did we ever conceive it was acceptable to abandon our young?
Google this question: Do mammals abandon their young after birth? I did and in one second I got this response on Wiki Answers: No, mammals milk their young after birth. Think about it. We are mammals and do not abandon our young. As the above contributor has indicated, mammals (within the animal kingdom) nurture their young until they are weaned and are able to exist on their own.
(Within the animal kingdom) has been added to this answer because, in fact, in the human kingdom, we do abandon our young for all kinds of reasons: economics, education, addiction, convenience, family pressure and social pressure. What the hell? What is wrong with this situation? Why are we abandoning our babies? What is happening in our society that this is acceptable? Where, as women, did we EVER get the notion that this was a good idea and where, as a society, did we decide to make money off the venture? (Adoption racks up five billion a year in business in the U.S.)
If we look at this world and the state of affairs, wars and the like, can we track our basic human hunger and discontent to a lack of attachment to our mothers? Are we starved for materialism as way to compensate for not being held, not being fed, not be nurtured as we should be—for generations upon generations? Track the medicalization of birth, the removal of mid-wives from birthing and the introduction of man-man interventions—where the medical establishment scares the hell out of women, forces them from their young and charges a fortune--which have the worst birth outcomes in the world. Did you know the U.S. leads the developed world in infant mortality rates?
Women of our world—mothers—wake up. Stop this madness that has our sisters being forced from their children. Empower mothers to keep their children.
The reason I write, the reason I am here talking up around the country, is just for this reason. We make a massive mistake when it comes to mothering and nurturing our young. The consequences of our mistake can be seen in the way we are living, as if on the warpath against the very mother who holds us, this planet earth.
Nearly a month “on the road,” meeting people, giving readings and interviews and planning two more months of the same, I am overcome by the openness of people to the issues I write about here. We know, as “mammals” that something is just not right in the way we are doing things. We feel this not-rightness in our hearts. We know we must change. We know we must return motherhood to a place of honor and stay with our young. We also know a book like Found should never be written by a daughter of this planet. We are better than this. And yet, in 2011, this is where we are at... and another interview begins.
~
I was also at Back Fence PDX, for live story telling, last week.
Seeing myself on camera had me back at Weight Watchers and counting points. Eeegads. What is that growing on my stomach? Is that middle age or just too darn many cookies?
The tour continues, Florida, LA and back for a slew of appearances in Portland in May. See the side panel for info on dates/times/places.
From what I am read on the Eagle Cam live-chat, the little birds will be leaving the nest in a few weeks--just about the time I'll be done touring and taking on another long summer with the kids. Rather than racing around like a lunatic this summer, perhaps I'll just plan to clean the nest, feed the kids and then sit on them until they get to sleep. One thing is for damn sure, I am keeping an eye on my young ones. I'm holding them very close.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Announcements: Audio Book Give Away & Spring Classes
Found: A Memoir (audio format):
I'm back in the recording/editing mode, putting final touches on Found in audio format and if you have purchased a copy of Writing Life, the downloadable workshop, you are qualified to get a FREE copy of Found on audio too. Look for that by the end of today!
Three Spring Classes:
Skype Master Class for six students who have
1) Skype uploaded
2) emotional good health
3) a story to tell
This class is Sunday mornings for seven weeks to the month of June. Contact me for sign up details.
Portland Based Craft Class
This is in Portland on Monday nights. Check out the dates, times, terms here on the site and let me know if you want in. We have a few spots left in this class too.
Oregon Writer's Colony
Four students will have an opportunity to come to the beach on the Oregon Coast for Mentor in the House weekend. May 6, 7 & 8, you'll write and meet with me for an hour a day. I may also do a small workshop--should the opportunity arise. Details here.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Book Talk: Learning to Bow by: Bruce Feiler
Posted by Anne Gudger: writer, mother, teacher & all around STH (super terrific human).
I have a confession: I’m a master eavesdropper. Go out with me and I’ll be completely, truly involved in our conversation but I can also tell you what’s going on at the tables around us. It drives my husband nuts sometimes because occasionally I’ll slip and laugh when what he said wasn’t funny. “What?” he’ll ask, eyebrows raised. “Oh, sorry,” I’ll tell him. “It’s that couple over there. . . “ “Are you listening to me?” “Yup.” And I’ll repeat the last lines of our conversation.
Know this too: I don’t always do it. Like most good skills I can practice eavesdropping or not. I mostly drop into the fairly mundane (First dates are a favorite) and if I tune into a serious conversation, I immediately tune out since I don’t think I’m a voyeur, more of an observer. I hope I’m as eavesdropper with ethics. I like paying attention to what people say. It’s the writer in me.
Recently I heard a conversation where I didn’t even need my super hearing. Actually, I would have been fine with missing this one except that it gave me a good idea for a Book Talk.
While I stood in line at Peet’s Coffee, waiting to order my caramel latte, I heard two women chat.
Woman 1: “Remember my friend I told you about who’s hosting a Japanese student?”
Woman 2: “Yeah, I think so.”
1: “Well, I asked her how her student and the other students are, how they’re coping with the tragedy.”
2: “And?”
1: “My friend said, ‘Oh, they seem okay. Kind of disconnected from the whole thing. It happened far from their homes. I think they’re fine.’”
2: “Huh, well, that’s good—I guess.”
I wanted to cross the line from being a "woman-waiting-for-coffee" to a "woman-with-opinions." I wanted to jump in and tell these two ladies that of course the students are not okay. They’re in shock. And they’re teenagers. They’re far from home. And on top of all that, they come from a culture that holds emotions deep inside, one that does not scream and cry, one that would not want to bring dishonor to their families by showing emotion to strangers.
As Americans, we know this about Japanese culture, right? I thought so. And as humans, if we’ve had a few miles on us, we know that grief is a complicated path. Expressing deep sorrow is exquisitely painful in any language.
Like all of us, my heart goes out to the Japanese, to the humans who are suffering now and who will continue to suffer as they struggle through the catastrophe. We wonder what we can do to help. Prayers? Money? Yes and yes. I also think more understanding of a culture so different from ours is always a good place to go when you want to stretch your heart.
A year ago I helped my mom sort her books—one of many clearing out the house layers we did to get her ready to downsize. She handed me Learning to Bow: Inside the Heart of Japan. “It’s a good one,” she said. “Insightful, touching, funny.” My mom’s fed me great books all my life so I pulled it from the “sell” pile and added it the “take home” stack. I read it a month later. Mom was right: it’s good.
Learning to Bow is Bruce Feiler’s memoir that covers his year teaching English and American culture in a small rural town in Japan. While he arrives as a teacher, he quickly becomes a student. He sees how the cultural differences challenge what he thought he was coming to do: teach English and how he needs to adapt in order to have some success with his students.
Feiler’s language is not the lyrical language I’m usually drawn to but he writes with warmth and humor. We get to be puzzled and awed with him as he learns how to navigate the hierarchy at his school, properly address an envelope and date a Japanese girl. The lessons we learn and the peak view into another culture through an American’s eyes are completely worth the read.
I wanted to suggest to those women at Peet’s to read Learning to Bow, that maybe they could offer it to their host friend too. But since I’m working on curbing my natural tendency to butt in (like I know something, sheesh, when I don’t) I resisted the temptation. But, nature being what it is—strong--I do recommend it to all of you. It’s one small thing we can do when we feel frozen in not knowing what to do.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
On the Road: Day 22, Interviews, The Heart Sutra & Getting On Stage
Home to a rush of daffodils, tight hugs of my children, the waft of daphne that intoxicates and sunny days intermixed with hailstorms. Spring.
I now do a series of national interviews on the radio that take me from Wisconsin to Virginia (home of the Eagle Cam, which is one of the most fascinating things I've watched in years), New York to the Carolina's, Portland (Love Iris on KGON) to LA.
My impression, after talking about Found for 22 days is this: people are good. People are open. People want to hear the story of the hero's quest that takes a lost child home to mother and BEYOND. I am really touched and heartened.
I am also deeply touched by the three women (and two daughters of one woman) who have joined me in my call to do 100,000 Heart Essence mantra and dedicate it to Japan. This was inspired by HH Dalai Lama's call to monks in Japan. I thought, "hey, we can do this." Kate Comings at Evening Star Jilly joined me first and then came Elizabeth Stevens with her two daughters (which one is your blog E?) and now Kirsten over at Write on Thyme.
We are now at 10,000 mantra and I decided "that's it," and recorded the full Heart Sutra, which I learned a few years back while studying at Spirit Rock meditation center. The Heart Sutra is an ancient text dated to the 1st century BCE. If you wish to add this audio to your practice, in order to have some container for your mantra--do it. Listen to the point the mantra begins and then pause and recite until your time is up. Then start it up and let the conclusion wrap the practice up for you.
NOTE: You do not need to add the Tay Ya T'Ha at the beginning. Simply do the mantra GA TE GA TE PA RA GA TE PA RA SUM GA TE BO DHI SO HA. Sitting for a few minutes, one can gather mantra adding into the hundreds. I do this about five or ten minutes a day, or during yoga, or even while I've driving. Why not? My mind is all over the place anyway--why not focus the mind for the benefit of others?
I've added a mantra at the beginning, that increases the power of your mantra practice by one billion (according to the great master who passed this mantra to me). I use this mantra prior to any practice I do. Most often I do the Green Tara practice every morning. So I just have been adding the Heart Sutra mantra as part of that.
Tomorrow I will be one of six storytellers on stage at Portland's Mission Theater, giving a spontaneous story under the heading of BROKE: BONES, WALLETS & HEARTS. I hope to see you there, books will be signed at the end of the show. Love to Portland's Back Fence for inviting me.
The Spring Craft Class in Portland is open for a few more writers. Join us beginning April 4th. And an on-line SKYPE class will also be starting up on April 3rd (thanks for the nudge Ginni). You'll have to contact me via this site, jennifer@jenniferlauck.com, for info on that.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Announcments: The Tour, Spring Class & Mantra
THE TOUR: Well, here it is, two weeks after the release of Found and I've been on the road: Seattle, SF, Berkeley and back to Seattle. A show in Seattle called King 5's New Day had me on and it was a lovely event.
SPRING CRAFT CLASS: Yes, there is still room in this class and I'm open for registration. Please come to the Teaching Page and get details. We want you with us. My co-teacher Anne and I are so happy to be teaching a FUN and inspiring class!
PRAYERS FOR JAPAN: I suggested a mantra accumulation last week, to do something for Japan, based on the call of His Holiness the Dalai Lama and look, we have six women adding up mantra now. It's very simple. Simply chant Gate Gate Para Gate Para Sum Gate Bodhi Swa Ha. Easy. Look up the Heart Sutra on line, it's very ancient and beautiful. Truly.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
On the Road: The Found Tour
I'm in Berkeley as I write this, soon, I will be on plane to Seattle (again) for an appearance on King-5 TV and a reading at Third Place Books tomorrow. If you are in Seattle, come see me.
The tour is going great, the reception to the book is what any writer would dream of. Positive. Very positive. The readings thus far have been lovely and the fans are open, receptive, curious and they all buy books. (Thank you for buying books!)
And I must admit it’s increasingly hard to focus on my own book when the story of human suffering unfolds in Japan. Like the release of Still Waters was overshadowed by the tumbling of the twin towers back in 2001, this tour takes place as we all watch nuclear plants melt down, body counts rise and markets collapse. Warnings fly around the internet and news: the Pacific NW is next, stores of potassium iodine are being stockpiled (for radiation sickness) and we are all being asked to stockpile water and food enough for two weeks. Even worse there is news that our schools will be reduced to rubble in the event of an earthquake...didn't we know? And great. Now the news hits us at the place of our deepest fear. The kids could be killed.
My goodness. Of course my poor heart flip flops with fear, aches for the people of Japan and my mind fritters around like a squirrel on speed.
It feels as if I am in a dream state where I don’t know what is real and the truth of the matter is this: the ground is shifting, isn’t it? And, we can’t know what is going to happen next.
But hold on. The ground has always been shifting. We have never been able to know what is going to happen next. And even the best laid plans of preparation can be leveled in a moment. I’m pretty sure the people in Minamisanriku, Japan were well prepared for the tsunami and still, the whole town is now gone.
Human suffering is not new and it is not limited to Japan either. Every few seconds, someone dies. A woman has just been raped. A man has just been murdered. We know this. We know this. And yet, the intensity of loss and the situation we watch in Japan pushes all our buttons and has us belly up to the collective bar of utter shock.
The Dalai Lama wrote today, on Facebook of all places, “On days when we are calm and happy, even if difficulties arise or we fall victim to a mishap, we take it well, it doesn’t bother us unduly. But on days when we feel sad or have lost our usual calmness, the least little annoyance will take on enormous proportions and be deeply upsetting to us.”
Okay. Hold on. How can we take what is happening in Japan “well”? How can we remain calm? How do we not feel lost?
This is where spiritual teachings and I enter a match of tug and pull. It’s fine to say “remain calm” but it is another thing to take twenty thousand people dead and the melt down of nuclear plants with a “ho hum that’s life” attitude. Some might call such a response catatonia, depression, denial or even selfishness. I love the Buddhists and I love practicing Tibetan meditation but I must ask, “how do we remain calm, your holiness? How?”
1) Writing this helps. Putting the words on the page and expressing my feelings rather than redirecting or denying, is helpful. Admitting I am scared to death, at least to a page, is good. It moves the energy along. I want to scream and shake and shout too, but I will remind you I’m in the airport, so I have turned to typing.
2) I am directing my energy into prayer. The Heart Sutra has been called for by the Dalai Lama and so me and my pal K. over at Evening Star Jilly, are adding up mantra. We're at like 3000 already. If the monks can do it--why not a couple of freaked out Oregonians??
Plus, redirecting fear into something that can be helpful—a profound prayer like Heart Sutra or Our Father or anything that strikes your fancy can't be bad.
3) I watch my mind, conditioned since childhood towards a more fear based perspective due to many powerful traumas, like the early death of my mother and father. With little urging, I can go into an overdrive of fear based thinking faster than you can get a Porsche up to 100 mph on a Montana highway. So I make a point to watch it and even how the fear spreads though my body and speech like ink spilled on white linen, especially when I am with a lot of people who watch the news and tap on their own computers, taking in images of the disaster. If I can catch myself, I look past the fear to what is going on in the moment. See how all of us in this airport are safe in this moment. Our flights are on time. We have cups of coffee and tins of chocolate and clean air to breathe and smiling friends nearby. We are okay. I am okay. The sun shines. The birds fly.
When it comes again, fear, that great mental tsunami, the great nuclear meltdown, the great leveler of all levelers. I watch it again. I might even ask, "what do you want from me? Can you please, go away for one second while I count this prayer, feel this inhale and exhale, and write these words on the page?"
These are the ways I find, right now, to reach the calm HH talks about. I'm trying. I sure as hell don't have it all figured out. I really don't want to be a big know it all and tell you how to do it either. I just can admit I'm scared. And then I'm not. And then I am. And then I'm not. It's all I can do.
My flight is about to take off. Stop typing Jennifer, breathe, get on plane.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Fresh Writing: Forgive the Unforgiveable. How?
The word forgiveness hauls me back to when I was a young Catholic girl. I remember being taught how to recite Hail Mary Full of Grace and those confession boxes with a raspy voiced priest on the other side of a screen who told me he was God's gatekeeper. Before I could receive forgiveness for my collection of human sins--swearing, swiping a cookie or thinking a mean thought about my brother--I had to say, "Bless me Father for I have sinned."
To forgive was to be divine and as a child, among my spanking clean brethren, I did forgive all those who had trespassed against me. As time passed though, the trespasses seemed to add up faster than my ability to forgive and pretty soon I was buried in what had gone wrong. That's when I started to wonder: just what was the point of wiping the slate clean? Cynicism set in.
How do we forgive actions that seem unforgivable? A father who abandons us? A hospital emergency worker who killed our mother--by accident? The man who held a knife at our throat?
As I considered my own laundry list of sorrows, it felt more important to add up the crimes and stand as a proper witness to the many wrongs. It certainly seemed reasonable keep tab and be wary.
The question of forgiveness has come up for me a lot these days. Along with millions of other couples out there in the U.S., a country that suffers from a startling divorce rate, I'm in the middle of couples counseling with my husband. We are determined to save our marriage. For him it's number two. For me, number three. The statistics aren't on our side.
Second and third marriages have even higher failure rates than first marriages, according to Elizabeth Gilbert, who penned the book Committed about her own second marriage.
On one particular dark night, I went to sleep angry and woke up the same way. It had been like that for days, weeks and months. It hurt to be so pissed off at this man I called "husband" and an old lesson of forgiveness popped into my head. I thought, "just forgive him, Jennifer. Just try. Make it like a little candle you hold in a dark tunnel and keep your eye on that flame. Forgive him every five seconds if you have to but forgive."
This thought was the beginning of a major shift that nudged my rigid wall of anger just enough I could see past my husband and peer into deeper shadows. The image of the little candle held in the dark was one I had used before, as an eight-year-old child when I had endured a sustained violent and sexual attack by a man three times my age. Unable to escape, as a child, I took refuge in this image of the candle of forgiveness. I told myself that I might not live to see another day but it would be okay if I just held fast to that light.To revisit forgiveness has meant, for me, that I had to revisit what it took to survive as a child and what I had been doing to survive for many years of my life. Yes, my marriage was in trouble but my own heart was in bigger trouble. It needed to heal in order to trust and love.
It's taken time but I've learned from myself as that small child, who used forgiveness as a way to survive, that forgiveness isn't idea and those who study forgiveness within the faith now have the wisdom to tell us forgiveness is beyond the religious and the dogmatic.
When you really look at the word "forgive" it means: to stop feeling angry or resentful toward. It means stopping and in the stopping, there is a form of surrender. In my own use of forgiveness, as a child, the act of "stopping" offered passage to the other side when I was out of options, directions and explanations.
My favorite study of forgiveness comes from Women Who Run with Wolves, by Clarisaa Pinkola Estes who writes, "many people have trouble with forgiveness because they have been taught it is a singular act to be completed in one sitting. That is not so. Forgiveness has many layers, many seasons."
Estes lists the four stages of forgiveness as these: to forgo (leave it alone), to forbear (abstain from punishing), to forget (refuse to dwell) and to finally, forgive (to abandon the debt).
Forgiveness is a lifetime path, perhaps a walk that is never fully complete but it is there and ready to be taken. I am taking my own journey on this path, one step at a time. I find the most important person to forgive as I go along, is myself and then I work out from there. As I take these small steps towards inner peace, I forgive, forgive and forgive again and while do this work, my husband remains at my side.
Posted on Huffington If you enjoy this please, pass it on and perhaps forgiveness will go viral!
Saturday, March 12, 2011
GATE GATE PARAGATE PARASAMGATE BODHI SVAHA
My heart breaks for the people of Japan and for all of us as we awaken to this new day after such a massive earthquake and tsunami. The waves are still being felt around the world and more so with the overheating and melting down of a nuclear power plant. Why do we have these damn power plants anyway? Not only is the natural phenomenon going to cost dearly but now the man made idiocy will cost so much more. When will awaken? When will we make good choices for ourselves, each other, the planet and life itself?
As a woman of action, I know it will do no good for my own heart or the people of Japan to simmer long in rage and rhetoric. The Dalai Lama calls for those who do mantra or prayer to pray the Heart Sutra for the people of Japan as well as the earth. So I'm on it. The mantra of the Heart Sutra is so beautiful and so easy to get on line--please read about it and just sit still, close your eyes and offer a hundred prayers up for calm, peace and freedom for this crazy time on our planet and for the people of Japan.
The prayer has many translations: Gone, gone, gone beyond, gone altogether beyond, O what an awakening, all hail!
The Dalai Lama says this: go, go, go beyond, go thoroughly beyond, and establish yourself in enlightenment.
It doesn't matter how you say it, just say it and be still and send compassion to the world and Japan. It helps. We are more powerful than we know. Love is more powerful that we know.
If you do this prayer, send me a count and we'll add up the prayers. I've got two hundred to put into the pool!
NOTE: You do not need to add the Tay Ya T'Ha at the beginning. Simply do the mantra GA TE GA TE PA RA GA TE PA RA SUM GA TE BO DHI SO HA. Sitting for a few minutes, one can gather mantra adding into the hundreds. I do this about five or ten minutes a day, or during yoga, or even while I've driving. Why not? My mind is all over the place anyway--why not focus the mind for the benefit of others?
I've added a mantra at the beginning, that increases the power of your mantra practice by one billion (according to the great master who passed this mantra to me). I use this mantra prior to any practice I do. Most often I do the Green Tara practice every morning. So I just have been adding the Heart Sutra mantra as part of that.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Book Talk: Fidelity By Wendell Berry
Posted by Anne Gudger: writer, mother, teacher & all around STH (super terrific human).
Wendell Berry is a master storyteller, essayist and poet. Look him up in Wikipedia and do some addition on the number of published works in all categories, including awards and fellowships (both Guggenheim and Rockefeller). The man is prolific indeed. Berry is a writer’s writer, a reader’s writer and everything in between.
I particularly love Fidelity, which is five interconnected short stories that plunk the reading into the middle of the lives of the Port William community with little preamble. You’ll feel like you’re sitting in Hannah’s kitchen listening to family stories or, more likely, following her around and helping with chores. Fidelity is a quick read and introduction. My guess is you’ll want more. And yes the title pays off. Each story touches on the thread of fidelity—a deep faithfulness between the people and land.
In one of the Fidelity stories, Danny steals Burley out of the hospital so that Burley--who’s 82 and dying—can die away from the “mechanical room, in the merciless light” with tubes running in and out of him. Danny is a do-it-yourself guy who’s guided by his heart and doing what’s right. He knows better than to waste time arguing with doctors to get Burley discharged. Instead, he goes to the hospital in the middle of the night, unhooks the comatose Burley from all the monitors, lays him on a gurney, covers him with a sheet and scoots him out the emergency entrance.
Danny takes Burley to an old barn, deep in the woods that’s been shelter for the two of them when hunting and fishing.
Burley wakes up once. Danny asks if he knows where he is and Burley tells him, “ Right here.” Danny asks Burley if he wants anything and Burley tells him, “Drink.” So Danny heads to the spring to get Burley water:
When he returned, Burley’s eyes were closed again, and he looked more deeply sunk within himself than before. It was as though his soul, like a circling hawk, had swung back into this world on a wide curve, to look once more out of his eyes at what he had always known and to speak with his voice, and then had swung out of it again, the curve widening. Danny stood still, holding the can of water. He could hear Burley’s breaths coming slower than before, tentative and unsteady. Danny listened. He picked up Burley’s wrist and held it. And then he shouldered his tools and went up into the woods and began to dig.
This death scene moved my heart and inspires me to pull nature into my own writing when I’m trying to get at those huge life and death moments. In Berry's imagery, there’s no need for elevated language or misplaced sentimentality. The hawk--watching, circling, curving--does all the work necessary.
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
On the Road: Seattle
On the road to Seattle with my son and our destination (in his mind) is clear—Seattle’s Market Magic, which is “THE” magic store according to Spence. Since Portland has no magic stores and he’s been confined to ordering his kits on line, the guy is in heaven. A hundred and fifty hard earned dollars are in his pocket and the second we drop our stuff at the hotel, we’re gone.
Seattle’s Magic Market is not why I’m going to Seattle on a Wednesday morning, no. I’m going to speak at my second “live” event as part of the promotions for Found: A Memoir. I’ll be at Elliot Bay Books tonight at 7:00 p.m. and then back on the following Wednesday to do Third Place Books at 7:00 p.m. Last night, the venue was Powell’s Books on Burnside and it was my first time reading there. The night was great, with a live acoustic presentation by Portland's wonderful and heartfelt band, The Dimes (thank you again and again Johnny, Kelly & Pierre) and a lovely turn out of fans, students and followers. The joke that really got me had to do with a womb! Another one was about chickens, a library and a frog. Very hilarious. I gave all my free stuff away.
Since the book released March 1st, I have been on a radio station (people still listen to radio?), a TV station (people still watch TV?) and have had reviews come out about the book (people still write and read reviews?). It seems so odd, in a way, to be doing all these things and part of this promotions world because it is so much in flux. Just how are we getting our information now? Don’t answer that…I know. Facebook, the internet, word of mouth via the internet, weblogs and Youtube. I personally get my news from John Stewart on The Daily Show and via the internet. No, I don’t read papers or even magazines (other than The Sun). Why? Just like you, it all on the net now.
And yet, it has been surprisingly satisfying to do readings in front of real human beings. In fact, I spend so much of my time in front of a computer, emailing and bouncing from “Facebook-this” to “Twitter-that,” I find it a little odd to see my fellow man and woman out there. Other than my most immediate relationships with my kids, my husband and my closest friends, I am really not in contact with that many humans for extended amounts of time.
Is that a problem? At the onset, we might say yes, losing touch with one another is a bad thing, but is it? I wonder if less contact, or at least a reduced level of contact, with each other is refining us, in a way, even honing our thinking and making what is sharp within us sharper and what is dull within us, well—disappear.
I know, for myself, my life is sharper and more honed than ever and here is an example. My marriage, in a really tight spot recently, has been saved due to a remarkable therapy technique called Imago recommended to me by a therapist I communicate with on email. She sent me, via the web, to find out more and I studied a national website, honed down and found a local therapist and boom, ended up in a couples weekend workshop by the end of the week. I will admit, 100%, that this local therapist would NEVER be someone I would know or meet or be introduced to via my immediate community of neighbors and friends. She didn’t fit into that model.
Before the onslaught of the virtual world, if I would have been having trouble in my marriage, I likely would have just talked about my challenges with a few close girlfriends who would have been in the same boat and we would have all remained “stuck” at the place of being unhappily married. In fact, about seven years ago I was in the exact same situation, there was no fast, virtual exchange of information and as soon as I admitting I was unhappy, my girlfriends admitted they were miserable too and pretty soon there was a spate of divorces in our circle.
The bottom line here is this: due to this new way of relating—intensely with a small number of people in the immediate environment—plus having access to massive banks of resources, I found I was delivered to a breakthrough form of therapy that very few people in my immediate community knew about or even would have recommended. And it worked. My husband and I are through the hard part, we are healing more each day and my life is enriched.
I think the world we are living in is changing, yes. I believe we haven’t seen the end of this massive movement of thought that we are part of—which we call the virtual world—and it’s a bit unnerving to see so much change but it might not be bad change. Look at Egypt. Via a virtual interchange, these people tumbled a 30 year dictatorship with very little bloodshed.
As a writer, who is familiar with the swelling seas of fast moving ideas pressed to a blank screen and then sent into the world, I’m not undone by the virtual world of this day and I’m not sure if I want to say it is “bad” or “good.” I see it what is happening as great swelling ocean and if I can just get to the surface of it, bob and float and ride the current, it’s going to be okay. In fact, the whole thing is pretty magical.
Come see me tonight at Elliot Bay Books @ 7:00 p.m., and if you come, bring me a joke. If I belly laugh, I’ll give you a free CD. ( Do people still listen to CD’s?) If you are not in Seattle, look down the right margin and see where I’ll be in your area. Come see me, bring me a joke, tell me what you think of our changing world. We’ll talk! Or, post a comment, sent me a Tweet or come over to Facebook and Fan me!
Monday, March 07, 2011
Fresh Writing: Super Daughters, Super Powers
On Huffington Post this Week
My daughter is ni
ne and has a scream that will make your ears bleed. She also can run so fast she will become a blur of elbows and knees in three seconds flat. "These are your super powers," I tell her.
My girl, who has a quick mind, says, "And they are good ones, too."
Indeed, they are. And she has plenty more; in fact, she has power to spare, but as my girl approaches adolescence and the mindboggling amount of social and cultural pressure to look and behave in very limiting ways, I am increasing my vigilance around this subject of her empowerment.
This is the era of feminine power. The Chinese calendar tells us so, as it makes a flip from a 5,000-year-long masculine cycle known as "Yang" to a new 5,000-year cycle known as "Yin." At the Vancouver Peace Summit in September 2009, the Dalai Lama announced that he is a feminist and opined that Western women will save the world. I do not disagree. Just look at our friend Oprah, leading the charge as number six on the Fortune 500 Most Powerful Women List, and Arianna Huffington, who has given voice to so many women via this medium..
Western woman are free, educated and have opportunities that most women around the world can only dream about.
The question becomes this: How do we western women, so often raised by unempowered mothers, make a necessary shift in our thinking and our actions in order to gift our daughters with a full inheritance of feminine power?
For me, the answer has been two-fold. One, I have gotten to know myself very well. Two, I have brought about change in my attitudes and actions.
For almost 20 years, I have investigated every nook of my conditioned history. This is the "getting to know myself" part. I am a daughter, born in the '60s, and while so many women of that era were burning their bras, experimenting with birth control, exploring mind altering drugs and getting higher educations, my adoptive mother -- a product of the '40s and '50s -- made a point to put her makeup on and do her hair just so, even as she was dying from a tumor lodged in her spine. "A woman doesn't make a fuss," she liked to say, taking copious quantities of aspirin to mask her pain. She died when I was seven, and I'm pretty sure that if she spoke up a little sooner she may have lived.
Further back, my original mother -- 17 when I was born -- had been forced to give me up for adoption, against what was legal and even moral. My original mother, a beautiful woman in her own right, allowed herself to be silenced for all of her life, too, because that is how she had been raised.
From my long personal investigation, I have deducted that being silent, compliant and merely beautiful are not traits I intend to pass down. And this leads to the "change" part. Only with consciousness can a person awaken to make new choices, and this awareness happens by looking at one's history very carefully. As it is Woman's History Month for all of March, I invite all my western sisters to study what we have inherited -- both good and bad -- from our mothers, our grandmothers and even our great-grandmothers.
In my own genetic history, I found that I hail from a line of silent and ineffective women, but these same women have also had moments of remarkable strength and accomplishment. My great-grandmother was one of the first women to graduate from the University of Nevada, and my grandmother ran her own businesses for years.
I pass this story, and many more, down to my daughter and make a point to show her where she is strong and capable in her own right -- thus our recent conversation about her super powers.
I want my daughter -- as a free, educated and powerful western woman -- to be strong, bold and to know she is a force of nature to be reckoned with. I want her to be a woman who loves well, touches others with care and knows how to do what is right -- for herself and for the world she lives in.
Labels: Empowering Daughters, Empowering Girls, Gender Equality, Girls Confidence, Girls Empowerment, Girls School, Girls Self-Esteem
Friday, March 04, 2011
Book Talk: Safekeeping By Abigail Thomas
Posted by Anne Gudger:
writer, mother, teacher
& all around STH (super terrific human).
Safekeeping is a beautiful and poetic memoir by Abigail Thomas who must have gotten her “Less is more” memo, stuck it on her bulletin board and reread it while writing this spare book. Thomas gives us glimpses of her life—pregnant at 18, married, single with three children at 26, divorced, widowed and all the emotional terrain of each of these enormous chunks of life. Her writing is simple and profound and funny and brutally honest.
Thomas writes mini scenes from her life and tells her story in flashcards. Each moment is a page, sometimes less, sometimes more. What she leaves out tells us as much as what she includes.
In “A Present” Thomas writes:
What is this, my sister asks again.
It’s an explanation, I answer.
An explanation?
It’s an apology, I say.
An apology?
It’s a present, I say.
There’s no fluff or waste in Thomas’ word choices. I love that about her writing.
In my own writing, I find the places I struggle with the most are often the places that need to be cut. It can be that simple. As writers we get so attached and why not? After all, we came up with them, connected them together like some many Lego’s and we think they’re…well…beautiful. But sometimes the delete button can be our best friend. From my own experience, I have learned to use it more often.
When something bogs down a piece of your writing, try pulling it out. Try Thomas’s minimalist style. See what you think and of course, reading Safekeeping is a necessity for a memoir writer.
In your own writing process, have you also found that “less is best?" Share your comments here!
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Release Day!
Found is officially out today even though I have been getting emails from all over the country, prior to this date. I am so happy to have made it to this point, to have the book out and readers reading.
As an update, my mother and I are doing just great. The reunion between us--which had those normal jitters and bumps and confusions--is now on solid ground. I love that I have the amazing opportunity to know her, hear her story and be with her as much as possible. She is my mother. I am so happy to have one! It's a slow, careful, gentle process that takes time but the two of us are "in it."
Keep posted to the site for events and teachings and don't forget to go to The Nervous Breakdown for the most hilarious interview I've given to date.